How to turn off location tracking (updated).I am a Tinder guy holding a fish, and I will provide for you.Salam! That’s how you say “goodbye” in Egypt. O.K., well, looks like I’m being taken prisoner. But you know what they don’t have to deal with? Immigration officers. Probably all the chafing they have to deal with. There’s an armed “Mad Max”-looking crew coming my way on some steel-plated Jet Skis.
Or, wait, am I in Canada? Hard to tell without landmarks or Google Maps, but that’s the beauty of being able to travel anywhere at any time-spontaneity!Īnyway, I’d better go.
Sure, the pyramids are submerged and all you can see is water for infinite miles, but . . . I’m in Egypt right now, and you know what? It’s beautiful. Imagine never needing a passport again! Boy, that better be the case, because mine is definitely expired and also at the bottom of the ocean.īut, hey, it’s cool. We need to stay positive and focus on the whole no-borders thing. Also, there are a lot of decomposing animals floating around after the Great Melt, and, let me tell you, the smell is a lot. It’s more like an endless dirty swamp that spans the entire Earth. Well, I use the term “aquatic utopia” loosely. Where was I? Oh, yes, a borderless aquatic utopia. Prepare to conquer your greatest challenges at The New Atlantis, coming Easter 2022 to Sea World. Damn it, Kevin, if you come near me with your waterlogged hands, I swear to God. But these are just tiny trade-offs for living in a paradise where no one is turned away at a border for any reason. Also, my hair is permanently wet, even though I’m one of those people who hates getting their hair wet when they swim. Not to mention that my fingers are always pruney-like, all the time-and I shudder at the thought of anyone else touching me with their disgusting pruney fingers, so I haven’t been intimate with someone in years. Sure, billions of people drowned and millions more were lost at sea. There are no borders because the polar ice caps have melted and now we’re living in the 1995 film “Waterworld,” starring Kevin Costner. No visas, no passports, no discrimination based on a person’s race or wealth. No more borders! Now anyone from anywhere can travel wherever they like. Just as in John Lennon’s “Imagine,” it’s finally happened.